Artsy Pubes: A Shaver’s Guide

Up until around a week ago, I was growing a forest in my pits and pubes, which I was planning to axe in May. Before my last smash with the blood bath broad, I agreed to accommodate a special request: a landing strip.

As a bipolar maniac, I have exactly two modes: all or nothing. I usually give my main squeeze some artistic discretion when it comes to the land down under but, until this fling, I only got three responses: full bush, nothing, or it doesn’t matter.

My first response to this request was this: what the fuck is a landing strip? After extensive research (both pornographic and educational) I discovered that it is exactly as the name implies, a landing strip leading straight into your genitals.

When he first submitted his request, I declined. It looked like the sort of thing that could only be accomplished with wax and, frankly, I’m not built for that.

As the day of deforestation grew nearer, I had second thoughts. There had to be a way to accomplish this look with shaving, right? Every time I went bare I had used a razor, so it was really about accomplishing the precision necessary for the shape, which, in this case, is a very small line.

After reading some very helpful subreddits, and some blogs about close shaves for sensitive areas, I decided to get supplies. For this operation, I got a multi-head electric razor, some shaving cream, some aftershave made specifically for pubic areas, and some cheap black eyeliner.

I had never used an electric razor for anything (beyond shaving my head) and I was nervous about the potential of one wrong move cutting off my voluptuous lips. Fortunately, I had my armpit hair to practice on beforehand.

First, I used the trimmer to get it down to a reasonable size of hair, then I removed the guards to get an even closer shave, finally I used the round blade to get the final level of smoothness. I razor-burned both of my pits with that last step.

With my legs propped up like a gymnast, I repeated the process downstairs. Trimming it down was easy. I decided it was a safer bet to use the flathead for the front and my usual razor for the danger zone.

To plan the shape, I grabbed the black eyeliner and drew a smallish rectangle leading to the main event. The concept is that it has to be proportional. Imagine a plane was coming down the runway of your pubes to land (or crash, in the case of a penis) into your genitals.

Once I drew my shape, I used the flathead to etch the lines, then I washed off the eyeliner. Eyeliner can be a pain in the ass to get off. My first three attempts at washing it with body wash failed, so I ended up grabbing my DIY oil + sugar scrub to get it out of the remaining hair.

After I got the eyeliner washed off, it was time to buff. Learning from my felled pit hair I used lots of shaving cream and very little pressure and buffed out the sides of my design, as well as the lips and ass. It worked remarkably well.

A mistake I made here was not trimming down the front more before I planned the shape. The amount of hair you want there is about ½ of an inch or so. I began shape planning with a medium bush, which made me lose control of the shape and made my strip slightly asymmetrical. I gave it a combover and called it a day.

When I got out and looked at the results in a mirror that wasn’t fogged with steam, I was impressed.

The kind of pubes you'd want to wine and dine. I quoted Buffalo Bill* a couple of times and then got ready to get undressed.

Alright, you know I have to hook this into some sort of life lesson so here it goes: while it’s appealing to be all or nothing, black or white, 1 or 0, bush or bare, the complex beauty in life really lives in the middle.

Or, in my case, a little south of the middle.

Xoxo,
A

P.S. I tried a lube that I'd actually recommend. I am mysteriously allergic to most lubes but this one didn't cause a reaction, the taste was good/subtle, and it didn't feel too sticky.

*"Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me" - Buffalo Bill, Silence of the Lambs